Recently I discovered a publication in my local Shoprite called “Our Town Jersey.” The first issue I encountered was titled “Our Town Not Made in China.” Given the recent issues with Chinese made goods I figured I’d grab a copy to see if they had any information on this disturbing trend. (The second issue I’ll write of in another post)
Unfortunately it had no information at all about items made in China. Instead the first two pages of the publication were full of the publisher’s thoughts on it. This man’s name is Bob Beierle, of Creative Insight, and some of his comments included:
We have amassed this enormous bureaucracy for safety when it comes to dealing with businesses that operate in the United States and yet we are getting our food, our toys, our gizmos, from nations that, for all intents and purposes, crap upstream from where they drink and have the sanitary practices of primates.
Screw the butt kissin’…screw the “yes” men…screw the ability to fill out form A-107.6 properly.
Did they think that the bridge fairy was going to come by and magically fix it for them?… (In no way with our referencing a bridge fairy are we degrding the gay community. No, I am not envisioning some guy wearing a tutu with pink tights and plastic wings holding a start shpaed want suspending himself on cables swinging over the bridge while sprinkling fairy dust.)
My solution: Kill the caribou, feed it to the hungry people, drill as much oil as we can in Alaska, drive the price of oil down to thirty cents a gallon, and tell all those camel jockeys in the Middle East…you know, the one’s who want to kill us…tell them all they better learn how to eat sand or die.
Otherwise get used to getting your food from countries where they don’t wash their hands, buying dog food from countries where you’re gambling on your pet’s life, using toothpaste sparingly because it might end up killing you and your kids having the IQ of an orangutan because of the contaminated toys they’re playing with. And bury your moral conscience when you’re driving your care that has a full tank of fuel that could have been used to feed a starving family in some third world nation, and justify it by being able to say, “Well, at least the caribou are safe.”
If that’s not bad enough (or good enough depending on how you see things) then here’s some more. Within this publication there are jokes supposedly sent in by nameless readers. It’s a good thing their names aren’t included because most of them are very distasteful and include:
A letter from a wife to Tide, titled “The Magic of Tide,” stating how happy she is about their product because it allowed her to kill her husband without being charged with the crime due to a lack of evidence. “One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!” – “What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect.”
A story called “Little Johnny” where the title character, Johnny, tells his mother that his father has been cheating on her with her sister. “Mommy listened closely as Little Johnny started telling his story about how he saw the car go into the woods…, then watched Aunt Diana get undressed.., and then Aunt Diana laid down on the back seat…, and the Aunt Diana and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army!!!”
A story titled “Gotta Love Little Boys” which starts with “Two young boys walked into a pharmacy on day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.”
Now this publication does do good as it promotes local church activity, group events, etc. However, this should not be made available to anyone with the commentary and jokes that you get with your town activity information. Why this publisher feels he must impose his views on things and include dirty jokes inside of an otherwise clean publication is beyond me. However, I doubt that many of his advertisers realize the agenda they are paying to push.